I buy the Burgen ‘Soy and Linseed’ bread when I can. It has become my favourite bread. Today I am putting a raspberry conserve on it. The conserve label looked fancier than the other jars surrounding it on the shelf so I chose this one. I try to balance the layer of jam on bread. A new challenge everytime. How much did I like last time? Was it too much? I settle on a medium spread. Two sandwiches on a white plate that I just stare at. I know I should eat them. I have enjoyed them before. But today they just sit in front of me. I think about the effort to chew. About swallowing. About getting the sandwiches down. It’s too much. I push them to the side and sip on soda water. They are still glaring at me. Their purpose to be eaten not fulfilled. The energy expended to create these sandwiches from seed and fruit and flour wasted with no end game. I sip on soda water again. The sandwiches cry out to me, take us!
Enough.
I grab the plate and dash to the kitchen, flip the rubbish lid and watch them fall to their wasted fate at the bottom of a fresh bag. I make my way back to the couch and flop to the cushions. I am drained, but unsatisfied. I want the sandwiches. I walk back slowly to the kitchen. The rubbish tin lid is still raised and I see them lying at the bottom. Should I? The bag is fresh.
No.
I go to the cupboard and grab the Vegemite and some butter from the fridge. I pluck 4 slices of bread from it’s plastic sleeve. I try to balance the Vegemite and butter. A new challenge everytime.